Trump Wants To Buy E. Jean Carroll A Mega Yacht
Trump's Saturday Georgia Rally was misunderstood.
Republicans are worried about Trump after his Georgia rally on Saturday. During the event, Trump seemed to forget he had lost two multi-million dollar defamation cases against E. Jean Carroll for refuting her sexual assault allegations and continued to defame her at the event. During the rally, he stated, “I just posted a $91 million bond on a fake story. Totally made up story.” This is nearly verbatim the claims Trump made back in 2021 that caused the second E. Jean Carroll case, which resulted in an $83.3 million fine for Trump. Top Republicans are worried this is yet more evidence Trump is senile, as the 77-year-old has either forgotten about a woman he sexually assaulted (mind you, how can he keep track?) or forgotten he lost in two high-profile court cases.
Trump’s aides have assured Republican leaders that Trump’s cognitive abilities are fully intact. They have pointed out that Trump is highly likely to lose a third case against Carroll. The aides claimed Trump knows this and is using it as a tax-efficient way for him to buy E. Jean Carroll a mega yacht as a way of an apology, as court fines are tax-deductible.
The Republican leaders decided not to inform the aides that court fines aren’t tax-deductible.
E. Jean Carroll is preparing to sue Mr Trump for a third time, which she will surely win. This is not because Trump’s Lawyer, Alina Habba, who claimed that she would rather be pretty than clever as she can “fake being clever”, is one of the most useless trial lawyers in US history and incapable of faking competency, let alone intelligence. Instead, it is because Trump has made it evident that the $83.3 million fine, which was only so high as to ensure he wouldn’t continue defaming Carroll, hasn’t deterred him from doing it again. As such, not only will Trump undoubtedly lose a third trial, but he will be slapped with even greater fines.
As with Trump’s New York Fraud trial, Trump’s legal team are already claiming that raising such funds will be impossible. Carroll’s legal team has assured them this isn’t a problem, as Carroll is willing to possess Trump Tower and Mr Trump’s other real estate assets — that is, assuming their true value is high enough to cover the court fines.
*Disclaimer* all articles published by Beyond The Bull are satire. Some aspects of this story have been embellished. Take this piece seriously at your peril.